Forum Sections > Comedy > Rebbonk's funnies 5th February 2012 NSFW NSFW NSFW |
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Rude awakening!
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:06:19 GMT | |||
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Wrong type of mouse
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:07:10 GMT | |||
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Oh bugger
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:07:57 GMT | |||
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Knob of the year award goes to this guy
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:11:14 GMT | |||
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:11:53 GMT | |||
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I always seem to hurt the ones I love the most.
Probably because I've got a fucking huge dick. |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:12:41 GMT | |||
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I like to shave round my arse so after a shit it's easier to wipe.
Makes me realise why I have never seen David Cameron with a beard. |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:13:17 GMT | |||
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:13:47 GMT | |||
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:14:11 GMT | |||
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:15:14 GMT | |||
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What's black and scares the shit out of women?
Whatever you call this thing on my cock. |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:15:29 GMT | |||
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Worries the crap out of visitors
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:16:10 GMT | |||
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PORNHUB
video comments: Sxcseteve6: I'd spaff on those tits any day!!! 8inch-Ian: Sit on my face! Charles: Well, I thought in general the story lacked any real depth and narrative. I couldn't really relate to Lisa's character, although I did admire her enthusiasm, and persistence. Jeff put in a solid performance as 'the pizza guy' however i found the penis in the pizza box very cliche. Overall i'd give this a 2 star review... and shan't be wanking over this again. |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:17:45 GMT | |||
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A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes".
So the woman freed the frog and the frog said "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" "That's okay" said the woman. For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realise that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me". So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you!" The woman said "That's okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine". So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish. She answered "I'd like a mild heart attack". Moral of the story: Women are bitches. |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:19:45 GMT | |||
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How they get men to buy meat in Oz
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:20:40 GMT | |||
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If you see the surfer, you are a raving arse bandit!
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:21:27 GMT | |||
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Best job in the world? Is that a fucking wide angle lens?
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:22:25 GMT | |||
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Rear of the year?
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:22:56 GMT | |||
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Poor old Plod. Apparently, he's got stumpy feet as well
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:23:54 GMT | |||
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Women!
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:24:35 GMT | |||
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Yeah, but the wheel chair can get in the way
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:25:19 GMT | |||
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Jealousy can be a terrible thing
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:25:54 GMT | |||
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Sammy was having a few drinks by himself at a London casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed.
The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to the races at Ascot that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock. In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs. The bloke looked through the race book and found 'Two Abreast' on which he placed £100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths. In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on 'Eyeliner' at 10-1 and was then £5000 in front. In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing her growler. He backed nothing. After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4. "What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?" she asked. "It paid a fortune?" "Shit!" he said "I thought you were telling me the cunt was scratched!" |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:27:15 GMT | |||
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I hurt my back today so have been lying on the floor.
"Can I do anything to help?" asked the wife. "Well they say oral sex can help relieve it" I said, grinning. "Ok..." she giggled and sat on my fucking face. |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:27:39 GMT | |||
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A nun is sitting on a train opposite an Arab who is eating prawns.
Every time he eats one, he spits the head at her and she throws it out the window. Eventually she gets angry and pulls the emergency cord. The Arab looks at her and says "You'll get fined £250 for doing that you infidel slut". She laughs and says "When I cry 'rape' and they smell your fingers you'll get 20 years, you towel-headed camel-fucker". |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:28:18 GMT | |||
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What's very big, has curly hair and is guaranteed to hurt sensitive little cunts?
Jeremy Clarkson. |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:28:35 GMT | |||
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I took a girl back to my place last night.
As I was fucking her on my bed, I pulled out a huge bottle of lube and said, "Do you mind if I put it up your arse?" She looked at me and said, "Is it going to hurt?" I said, "Probably, it's a big bottle." |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:28:57 GMT | |||
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Now look again! - See?
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:29:40 GMT | |||
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Not a problem, I talk it
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:30:19 GMT | |||
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:30:46 GMT | |||
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:31:49 GMT | |||
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Fucking hell. What kind of parents allow this?
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:32:41 GMT | |||
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You gotta love those Italians
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:33:33 GMT | |||
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Elusive?
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:34:26 GMT | |||
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When I picked the wife up from the airport today, she said, "Why the long face? Look at that couple there, kissing, cuddling and laughing"
I replied, "That's because he's seeing her off, not picking her up." |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:34:50 GMT | |||
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I bought some Viagra off the internet the other day. I wasn't sure if it was genuine and safe so I thought I'd try it on the dog first.
His arse is gonna hurt for days! |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:35:21 GMT | |||
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HAD AN ACCIDENT?
Have you been injured at home, at work or on the roads? Have you tripped over? Have you hurt yourself? Serves you right you clumsy twat! |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:35:53 GMT | |||
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BBC News: "Man Hurt in Portaloo Explosion".
I'm guessing he is now suffering from turd degree burns. |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:36:24 GMT | |||
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I don't know what my wife is complaining about.
I did a shit today that was definitely bigger than my cock and it didn't hurt that much. |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:36:57 GMT | |||
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It was the first day at school and the teacher was asking the kids what their fathers do for work.
She asked this one little girl, "What does your daddy do?" She replied, "My dad is a doctor and he helps people when they're hurt." Then the teacher asked this little boy, "What does your daddy do?" He replied, "My daddy is a mechanic and fixes cars when they are broken." Then the teacher asked this sad little boy, "What does your daddy do?" He replied, "My Daddy's dead." "Well," the teacher said, "what did your daddy do before he died?" The boy said, "He turned Blue and shit on the floor!" |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:37:22 GMT | |||
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A technician is to be sent to the Arctic Circle to work.
"This is your emergency equipment," says his boss. "It consists of a box with various distress flares, a radio and a deck of playing cards." "What are the cards for?" asks the technician. "If the distress flares don't work," says the boss, "and the radio is completely frozen, take the deck of cards and start a game of Solitaire. It won't take long before some cunt taps you on the shoulder and tells you to put the nine of spades on the ten of diamonds ..." |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:37:49 GMT | |||
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I hate those emails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got 10 just the other day.
Eight of them from my girlfriend. But it's the two from my mum that really hurt.... |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:38:18 GMT | |||
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They wonder why they have so few customers!
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:39:11 GMT | |||
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Too fucking right
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:39:52 GMT | |||
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Until next time....
Remember, nothing succeeds like a budgie with no beak! |
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| Miserable old f*cker (MOF) | Feb 5 2012 at 06:40:43 GMT | |||
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